While common in other parts of the world, end-of-life doulas are relatively unheard of in the United States. They go by various names: “death doula”, “end-of-life doula”, or “death midwife”. Like their birth doula counterpart, they support the laboring person. Only, these people are laboring on the opposite end of life, not giving birth but transitioning out of this life.
In a culture that denies death until the last minute, individuals and families are often left with minimal support as they go through this perfectly natural part of life. Something as natural as death, can come with confusion, struggle, sadness, fear, and anger. People are often left to go through these things alone, with families being ill equipped to support their loved ones through this process. This is where the EOL doula comes in.
EOL doulas do many different things. They help in all stages of preparing for death through to the bereavement phase. They are the “great space makers”. They make space for all of the feelings and challenges that accompany death. They ensure that the dying person feels seen and heard, and that their wishes are honored.
They provide faith-based support. They can often be found at the beside of the dying person, talking to them about their perspectives on the afterlife, religion, God, and eternity. They provide prayer support, read Scripture, or other comforting books. They make space for the fears of the dying person regarding “what happens next”.
They offer practical guidance. They are the “wedding planners” of the funeral world. They assist with advance care planning, helping the individual communicate their medical wishes to family and doctors. They help write obituaries, plan celebrations of life, and discuss the complexities of tough medical decisions.
Legacy work is another thing that EOL doulas support their clients in. They put together “remembrance projects” to honor the life of the dying person. This could include a memory book or audio recordings. They help the dying person write letters to family and friends. Most importantly, they help the dying person think through how they want their life to be remembered by loved ones.
Perhaps one of the most important things a EOL doula does is provide vigil support. They sit vigil at the bedside of the dying person, ensuring that their wishes are honored. They play music, offer light touch, use essential oils, alay fears, talk about memories, encourage loved ones, and pray. Most importantly, they are a witness to the dying person’s last days, honoring and dignifying each moment.
Finally, they provide bereavement support to families after the dying person has transitioned. They offer resources on grief, and walk alongside loved ones as they grieve.They also help loved ones process the events of the dying journey.
As you can see, the scope of work of a EOL doula is expansive! They are on the frontlines of support where death is expected or unexpected. They walk alongside hospice and palliative care teams to provide non-medical assistance to the dying person and their families.
If you are looking for an end-of-life doula, contact me at noelneff@hopedoulas.com to set up a free end-of-life interview!
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