Hope Doulas

“Remember. Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”

– Stephen King

I named my end-of-life doula business, Hope Doulas, because I want all of my clients to have hope as they transition from this life. I believe that hope is just as much for the dying as it is for the living. It can be a profound tool for both living and dying well. Hope is a feeling of trust and a desire for something to happen, and there are several ways a dying person can embrace hope.

For the dying to have hope, we need to articulate what they are trusting in and what they desire to have happen. This often requires a shift in focus from escaping death to dying well. It becomes about quality of life not longevity. Dying well requires trust in the process. Our bodies were designed to die. It is a perfectly natural part of life. This might seem scandalous to say, but death is just as big a part of life as birth is. Just like birth, death can be filled with difficulties and pain, but it can also come with much joy and fulfillment.

The desires of a dying person are not that much different than one who is full of life. Everyone wants to feel loved, and to feel loved and to love is something to hope for. In my death doula business, I strive to help everyone feel as loved in their dying days as possible. This comes in the form of companionship and making space for all the feelings that accompany dying. I want my clients to feel seen, heard, and dignified.

Along with love, the dying person can hope for strong relational connections. Let’s face it, life comes with a lot of baggage, and one of my jobs is to support clients in resolving life’s conflicts so that they can die at peace. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a therapist, but I can support and cheer you on as you resolve life’s sticky messes. Resolving conflicts is essentially the same as strengthening relationships, and my job is to stand with you as you build strong bonds with family and friends.

The dying person can also hope for legacy and purpose. With a life well lived, comes many, many stories and wisdom for the next generation. I want you to have hope by giving you the practical support you need to create remembrance projects, write letters to loved ones, or video record your greatest pieces of wisdom.

Hope for the dying person can also look like managing the environment to control pain and preserve dignity. This might come in the form of organizing a medicine schedule or times when loved ones come to visit. While I don’t administer medication, I can support you in your choices to receive the pain management medicine you desire, and I can help you and your family understand how this will impact your time together.

Let’s not forget, hope for the dying comes in the form of faith-based beliefs. I can sit with you and talk to you about what you think happens after death. We can ponder the afterlife, God, and eternity together. I can help you solidify what you believe about “what happens next” as you make this transition. I can support you in talking to family about it and give you resources to assist you in developing your beliefs.

There are so many beliefs about the afterlife, it can be hard to discern what you actually believe. Confusion often detracts from the hope that we feel. If you don’t know what to hope in, how can you embrace that hope! I want to assure you that an afterlife is entirely possible. Your energy must go somewhere. Whether that is an afterlife in the memories of others or eternal life with a creator God.

At the end of the day, hope for the dying can look like a lot of different things, all of which I can support you in. I want all my clients to know that hope for them is like the Iowa prairie grass in wintertime. Underneath the snow, it is green and waiting for springtime. Hope, like renewal, is a good thing, and nothing good ever dies.